


No Flagg, No Country

by Talayse



Series: Nobody Expects the Flagg [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, MASH (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4230021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talayse/pseuds/Talayse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The recently defrosted Steve Rogers meets an intelligence agent who thinks Steve is and is not Captain America. Steve's pretty sure he <i>is</i> Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Flagg, No Country

**Author's Note:**

> This story is 100% funnier if you read Colonel Flagg's lines in Colonel Flagg's voice. Never met Colonel Flagg? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2TrW8jR8EM

"Captain Rogers," said a man, coming halfway into Steve's room on the SHIELD base, while scanning the hallway intensely.

"Yes?" Steve asked, wondering if perhaps it was time for yet another physical or briefing.

"I'm Colonel Flagg, of SHIELD," the man said, coming fully into the room and mostly closing the door. He peered out the crack for a moment more before closing it.

Considering that Steve was currently more or a less a prisoner of SHIELD, Flagg's statement seemed redundant. "Yes?" he tried again.

"Have you been informed of the situation?" Flagg asked.

"Which one?" Steve asked. First rule of interrogation, give nothing away. Besides, he'd been informed of so much lately he was spoiled for choice.

Flagg sidled up to him and said out of the corner of his mouth, "Nick Fury is not the man you think he is."

"He's not?" Steve asked.

"He's a spy," Flagg said, with great emphasis.

"Oh," was all Steve said, since that was exactly what he'd understood Fury to be, if you stripped his job title down to a very basic level of understanding.

Flagg turned on his heel and poked a finger at Steve's chest, "And you aren't Captain America."

"I kind of thought I was though," Steve said. 

"That's what they want you to think," Flagg said, stalking over to the little desk in the room that held the old SSR files that some SHIELD flunky had dug up for him. "First they have you believing you're Captain America, then they have you jumping out of planes and killing Nazis."

Steve didn't really know what to say to that. That was what Captain America had done, with a shield even. He didn't exactly expect to be doing that now, in the future, but it would be nice to do something familiar, maybe he could still jump out of planes. "Well, they tell me there are fewer Nazis these days. And crashing planes seemed to help with the whole HYDRA problem. What exactly do you do for SHIELD, Colonel Flagg?"

"I'm not with SHIELD, I'm with counter-intelligence," Flagg said, somehow managing to swagger with his voice.

"That does not surprise me," Steve said.

"I'm here to make sure that your assumption of the Captain America role is on par with our view of the role of Captain America in American society, namely upholding the American way of life. We have to make sure your portrayal is accurate, and not some namby pamby pandering to every lost cause and sob story. We have Standards to maintain."

"But I _am_ Captain America," Steve said with conviction.

"That's pretty good," Flagg ground out. "I almost believed you." 

Flagg began pacing the room. Steve watched him as he strode over the short length, turned and strode in the other direction with great determination. Eventually he stopped, facing Steve once again. "All right. I'm going to have to get you out of here in a disguise. I have a Captain America costume that should fit you."

Steve bit down a laugh, "You're going to sneak Captain America out of this facility dressed as Captain America."

"It's the perfect disguise," Flagg said, sidling closer. "No one would expect Captain America to sneak out as Captain America."

"I thought you said I wasn't Captain America," Steve said.

"That sounds like the sort of thing I'm likely to say," said Flagg. "I keep myself in a state of utter confusion, even I don't know everything I know."

"Right," said Steve. "Who are _you_ sneaking out as?"

"Myself. Nobody will believe I'm me, I don't believe I'm me."

Someone knocked on the door.

"Don't answer it," Flagg said, and then grunted as a woman landed on his shoulders and took him out with a garrote.

"That seems a bit extreme," Steve said.

"Trust me," the woman said. "He's broken his own arm, twice, to maintain an op before."

The knocking continued. 

"Answer the door," the woman said. She was tying Flagg up.

A man with a bow was behind the door. "Aw, Nat, I was gonna try my new tranq arrows on him."

The woman smirked, "That's what you get for being polite and knocking."

The man shouldered his bow and between the two of them they started to drag Flagg from the room. 

“Thank you for your co-operation,” the woman said as she left. Steve watched, slightly bewildered, as Flagg was unceremoniously hauled through the corridor until he was out of sight.

The future just kept getting weirder.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be at least two more parts to this series, maybe three.


End file.
